ocean & beauty

pink lungs.

2010-08-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

mother & daughter/acrylic on canvas/2004

"how the pink lungs of their bodies

enter the fire of the world

and stand their

shining & willing"

mary oliver (moccasin flowers)

and now my body is creating pink lungs again, fleshy toes and a toosh i will want to eat for the rest of my life and a face, 2 eyes, 2 ears, lips and a nose... how will they form? what shape will they take? each piece full with stories, each of her cells laden in our poems, his and mine, inside skin, inside this belly, growing, happening now and we already know this story is so different than the first and one would think, many have said "you know what's ahead" and i don't agree with them as i have no idea what's ahead, only different... creating a womb again, this time on a lower floor. there is fear this time.. and she is loud, clear, very vocal. horns on her head and maybe this story goes through my vagina.. horns and all.. so afraid and then i write and its with a swatch of exciting - i think i need to be living here more, exploring this deeper water.. definitely deeper this time around.. and warmer... so it holds me in a more scared and sacred place.. so intimate the journey.. and the desire to collaborate is here too. getting closer to the fear.. sewing cashmere around the cold, bringing her in, the beauty in me, the trembling girl, the incision, the stories of all the wombs before me, huddling up together and starting this conversation.. with a thread and a needle, words on a page, color, freedom, fighting the layers that must be warm to rise, to be seen, to be aware of, to be ok with, to sink deeper into the unknown, keep swimming and allowing, don't come back to the shallow end to explain it all.. keep swimming in the warm, mending the cold, stitching myself in the sacred where it feels natural, aligned, i see my face there... i have to stay down there, i get scared up here... down there breeds the flora of curiosity, discovering something familiar but not yet apart of me, available if willing.... keep swimming down to the warm parts, where i can sink into that wisdom, the seeds of self, the pink lungs that yearn only to breathe, bloom, be in the bright opening of it all and to embrace it fully before i come up for air and share it with all the others.

august, 2010.

reconnect....

2010-08-26T00:54:00.000-07:00

wow.. i have been around the corner pouring the love into a conversation i so deeply believe in of nourishing all the mamas in the world.. and definitely in our country.... empowering and inspiring them to connect intimately to their need to be fed... and it feeds me too... and so does the word... and i miss you over here... and yes.. there is a beauty in my belly.. she is here and ready to rock and roll... i want to share more about her, the journey, the dark and the light spots, the exposed photo collage of this time, this life... the life of a renaissance mama... i am happy to be here.. so blessed to grow in this way... i will be back sooner than later.. till then.. may we all keep growing, eating, feeding each otherxxx

motherhood

2009-04-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

the stitches are beginning to come undone & my mother, my child, my motherhood is beginning to tear through the fibers of my fears, the skin i wear on the second or third layer of myself, like an organza skirt that lays on my skin...so light and airy you have no idea it's there but i do. the cells are reproducing so fast that i can hardly hold onto myself...trying to zip these big black bags, obese at the seams with swatches of my soul, my body parts, my anger and all that comes with it, inside, unfolded & worn. i sit on the bags. i sit on the flesh that i came from, unravelling the map faces of all the mothers, looking up the longitude and lattitude of where i can go to get away. to not do what she did to me, to run, to wash my face, to hold it all in & do something soft. i go back to the bags....i try to close them up faster & faster. the zippers keep breaking. and so does the chandelier, the mirror, the phone... another natural disaster. every minute is the apex & nadir of the play. observing life like a pirate. one eye gone, a hook for a hand, assessing the damp log & hoping to hit gold. it's a pure body thing, the stories come without a preface or a warning. the kettle gets so hot and begins to whistle so strong and i am all alone.

defining motherhood as i sit on these bags and cry.

hope & hunger....

2009-03-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

this deep pulling ...wanting the meat of my 'to do' list to just slide off the bone & feel sated somewhere inside... in everyway...the fantasy of being in my stride, doing my thing e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y, tapping into this depth that is like the coyotes coming into the rural neighborhoods - starved & at your door step. they are hanging out in single file at the surface of my skin... pointy jaws, rough paws & hungry for something & more of that something...

hoping that a honey cake will keep it to a mellow roar... maybe today a strawberry chocolate cobbler & a pear butter cake...

hoping this sweet bandaid will allow the pause i am so yearning for...the flow that waits so patiently

while i am stirring avocadoes and toasted pinenuts with my hands, sewing the words soft onto a canvas & fitting a hoody tunic... framed by the words mama, mama, mama....all day long...the calling that coerces me to be in the present moment....

hoping for a name... renaissance mama.....we can do it all.... everything starts in the kitchen...this delicious life that keeps me hungry for more... in the crevices of each day the light comes in...inspiring me to stir, mix, create something amazing....

i am connecting women to their kitchens... the stories we missed this time around.. what happened? we were burning bras, we became ceo's & roasting a beet is an enigma....our mamas didn't want us to be like them?... they wanted us to make 'something' of ourselves?... and what is more important than eating incredible foods, surviving abundantly, protecting your kin, being the shaman mamas that we are, being the memory.....this is where i am living these days...connecting the pieces that already live in us...they are in their, in here... at the surface... like the coyote & we are hungry for the connection...

more to comexxx

miss you.....

2008-12-15T09:23:00.001-08:00

so... sorry.....there has been no action on my part... its a place in my self i mourn too.. this word, so precious.. and the time to take to write some of it down... the time.. the time.. oh the time...and then i lose my camera... changing lives in the kitchen.. creating space to meet self, lick wounds off the spatula, mix, stir, believe in something like a beautiful meal, round abundance of bowls & squashes & fingerling potatoes.... it rains like a dance today.. a celebration of so much... clearing the air, feeding the land, delivering the blessings of nature... and there are still holes in this landscape.. so much to be warmed up & digested...there are a lot of books on how hard it is to sit down and just write....and then you read those books and you are still not writing..... maybe you feel closer to the word because there is a me too in the room... that me too is something else.... see you soon.. X

change is here....

2008-11-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

the gift of rain....tears of blissed out joy, a relief in my ankle joints & this clean cool feeling in my hair.

i knew fall was planning a party and we were all invited...yippeeee!

loving my neighborhood...

time for barley in soup....gratitude for grains...

parsley, yellow onion, carrots & zuchini.... barley & beef to create a thick warm soup... the beginning of this new skin... almost time for cashmere... change is here.. vote for change!

happy halloween.....

2008-10-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

who knew what future this hermes tie box would have....

you never know what is going to come out of the studio....

subtle sustainability...with a twist of quiet couture

fun for the front door... be well & please eat homemade candy!

mango bliss...

2008-10-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

ocean love soaking in the sunshine from a mango seed... mama loving this nourishing of bright yellow pulp into new cells, oxygen, hair, nails, skin....kahlo wishing with such commitment...

as the longing continues & the heat does her thing... i eat this celebration with everything...

who knew what a mango could do... blissed out with this mango love... just some fruit with my son is a poem today...

longing for fall....

2008-10-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

fall collage....my miss you card to the natural rythmn in my body, yearning for a cool morning, an exhale from summer, waiting for that moment to welcome fall...

october 22 & 104 degrees.... holding hands with my cashmere, hoping for change inside mint tea with buckwheat honey.... sometimes slices of orange on a hot fall night...cools the longing...at least for a minute or two...

posted outside our front door....

in the studio...

2008-10-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

my 'to do' list...

here is a bit of the studio wall... collages can be sacred altars... helps with the quiet time...especially those of us who have persistent muses and overly ambitious souls...

in word, color, collage or kale.... the beginning of something can be a mix of uncomfortable, weird, lonely, nothing, & everything.... trying to hear the depth within all the noise...the political world... our mama earth... what's for dinner? we are the wisdom... believe in yourself.

returning to the paintbrush... very close cousins to the wooden spoon...mix, discover, experiment, fulfill the desire inside to express, heal me & you...

birthday with a mission....love!

2008-10-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

my mission: waste as little as i can...that is actually a life long mission but with birthdays & celebrating it can be really hard to do...there is a desire for abundance, color, fun and a lot of everything...FREEDOM!! i decided to look into where the wealth is in the household... CREATIVITY & stuff! we all seem to have a lot of stuff... so i love to use my stuff for times like these... i looked online to see about eco/green birthdays and honestly it was not only boring but not so pretty... and beauty is SO important. hello. first i started in the kitchen (shocking..) creating the cake.... joshua wanted to make something too so he went into the studio (a place in the house that looks like a painters studio b/c it has paints, brushes, all sorts of wacky collectibles but no light...sometimes i find my muse out drinking it's so depressing...and guess where there is light... IN THE KITCHEN!!)

we wanted ocean to know it's his special day & make the house a bit different in feel and vibration.. hippie lingo. this is what we came up with... and we had a blast staying up till midnight doing it together!

i collect & reuse these strawberry cartons..they are great for so many things & maybe an art installation i will do one day.... i have a ton of these puff colored balls & an old elmo card given to us a long time ago....nothing spectacular or genuis..just a little table piece that ocean will look at and want to touch and play with that signifies that it's his day! i also new those balls may end up all over the house and that was fine too.. just the asterisk at the bottom to surrender to if you try this at home.

another sweet addition of random chinese lanterns i had in the studio connected with old ikea ribbon and some little ribbons in the center... just these touches of birthday love hanging up around the house created a celebration feeling for everybody.

then there was the cake...

buttermilk layer cake from the new joy of cooking.... via my sister-n-law who knows good cake. if you can believe it - this is my first birth of a birthday cake... i love to support the bakers and their beautiful sculptures and such.. couldn't necessarily do that this year... first it was a choo choo cake and i was going to get the mold for it... then the mold is made in china & who knows what will leach into the cake type metal.. so of course i end up at william-sonoma where i find the perfect choo choo mold. again.. lets remember we are on a budget... so i figure i will just put percy (one of thomas the trains choo choo's) on the cake.. and he will LOVE that too. what happens? neither of these things but i had to give you the backdrop.. b/c there is a point & that is to ENJOY everything you are doing, create with freedom and no ties of expectation from yourself or other....it is the love you put into everything and that is what i want him to take with him into his journey. i think we forget that a lot these days.. creativity and love.. amen!

the shadow of a whisk in the night.... the eddies of batter shiver in the stainless steel bowl.. definitely read this with an accent....

before...

and after....

result of a love filled birthday...hardly any waste & tons of joy....

lukeys & cupcake...

happy birthday ocean....

2008-10-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

happy birthday.... brightest day of the biggest heart....you are infinite. wordless. a song that defines a life. you are everything. ocean love fischer.....born 7:16pm on 10.10.2006. i am forever blessed that you chose me as your mama, nurturer & student. you are my muse. keep going....100 more years....i am right here beside you.

love you, choo choo, mama....

today

2008-10-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

it's the holiest day of the year, mercury is in retrograde in virgo & it's thursday in los angeles.... the best place to start is gratitude. the computer is hot, my tea is cold, it's quiet & so so noisy inside. i want to write, share, show you all the happenings in the kitchen in the last few days.. some really beautiful quiches and tarts i will share soon.

obama. ocean love. passion & song. little dance lately. mourning the loss of seasons. change. transition. healing in the kitchen. and then there's dragonfruit.

another one of mama earth's art pieces ....like a leathery model. durable & beautiful.

fall breasts...

2008-10-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

it's the first thing that comes to mind when looking at these beautiful acorn squash... round, abundant, lush and soft inside when cooked....sometimes the truth can be awkward.

massage with a little olive oil on 415 convection roast or just plain ol' roast is great make sure to place squash with the open part down on the baking pan or casserole dish. you can absolutely take the seeds out before..it's easier to scoop them out once soft and cooked.

round abundance at the farmers market...

fuyu persimmons are coming out...

bright immunity...

beautiful, bountiful, beans....

2008-10-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

beautiful beans from bobs red mill...

italian parsley, zuchini, carrot, peas & a little onion in some chicken stock....walah!

bubbles....

2008-10-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

big bubbles, small bubbles....

i am the luckiest girl of them all.....

just another night in the bath....

soul soup...

2008-10-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

there is definitely something deep & infinite about soup...

these warm bodies of gentle kindness that just sing inside you whether it's a delicate hum or a poetic rumble... the vibration of soup is quite specific to it's smell, taste, texture & rhythm...

it moves like a dance as the aroma fills every nook of the house, gathering people together, huddling in the kitchen to see what's in there, under that, stirring it up with a wooden spoon....

it's as though they are being guided to something calm, loving, & safe...

inside warm broth, peas, carrots, yellow onions, matzoh balls, organic & kosher chicken...

this dance is something from the beginning....returning to our ancestors: layers, stories, depth....

surrendering to not worrying, less anxiety, drinking down a grounded sense of self...

finding my soul in cutting, peeling, separating, hours of steeping like a prayer, writing a song, brushing my babes hair....feeling good, feeling whole, feeling like soup again.

welcome autumn....part 1

2008-10-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

just want to dive into this abundance of round love...

the gift of giving...

2008-09-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

sena francis hunter was born a week ago to new parents in a daze of amazement & splendor, some healing & a transformation that has this infinite fabric swaddling it.. so delicate, deep and yet a new type of courage is on the block: a mama & a papa.

the offering was a meal but for me it was so much more than that... it steeped inside this womb of freedom, color, passion, music.... yes! i was in the kitchen. what a gift...thank you new family!

welcome sena & welcome autumn!

roasted thyme delicata squash......

zuchini leek & heirloom tomatoe pizza with a corn meal crust

sena salad: pomegranate seeds, white corn, pink grapefruit, beets, arugula & mission figs

buttermilk banana bread with honey (which i forgot...)

i used the honey for a honey mint tea i made them to wash it all down with happy bellies!

birth, gratitude, perfect timing

2008-09-23T13:24:00.001-07:00

this how to start thing may just stop me so i will probably begin a lot....

and i love this about us.

i begin with birth as that is the word for today and maybe everyday. the abundance that comes with it, the magical yum inside this miracle. it's an altar of words that i am just dipping the end of my almond biscotti into.... to be coated with that milky frothy passion that only can be described as infinite... that first layer of an idea or dream... to continue breathing through it....the map self, guiding with a deeper light than duracel could ever hope for.

yes.

this is where i begin today.

oh and how very blessed i am to begin.